Amazing!

I am constantly amazed at how many people doggedly stick to the claim that the Bible is the inspired Word of God, but have no idea what they mean when they say it. What do you mean by inspired? What do you mean by Word of God? Is it reliable for everything? Including science?

Furthermore, if a person claims that they will live their entire life by this book, I would think that person might be interested in the origins of that book. But, my experience is that the most dogmatic about this doctrine are the people least likely to do any kind of research about the origins of the Bible. It seems paradoxical.

I’m just saying…

Breakfast

This is for my friend who, to my knowledge, has still never eaten breakfast. Maybe someday we will share this glorious meal. Here's how:

So, You Think You’d Like to Eat Breakfast?
A Breakfast Orientation Pamphlet

If you’ve heard it once, you’ve heard it a million times. Those simple innocent words of invitation, “Hey, let’s eat breakfast!” Somehow, though, you’ve managed to get this far without ever actually eating breakfast. And now you’re wondering… What is this thing called breakfast and how does one go about eating it.

The prospect of eating a meal, especially the most important meal of the day, can be daunting. This pamphlet will help answer your basic breakfast questions and put you on the road to eating your first breakfast.

A FORK IN THE ROAD
It is important to note that there are two basic roads one can travel on the journey to breakfast: Sweet or Savory. While there are variations these two themes are the basic genres from which one must choose. Once you have chosen between sweet and savory you’re halfway to your first early morning meal.

SWEET TOOTH?
The sweet road to breakfast is paved with syrups, cinnamon and sweet breads toasted on a griddle. If you want a sweet breakfast there are several ways you can go. For something gooey and sticky you could choose pancakes or French toast with syrup. Pancakes are taken with butter and syrup while French toast is traditionally eaten with cinnamon, syrup and powdered sugar. For something light a fluffy you can have muffins. Muffins come in many flavors, each is delicious if done well. Some traditional flavors are blueberry, lemon/poppy seed, and chocolate chip. Muffins are popular with people on the go, while pancakes and French toast require a more leisurely pace.

SAVOR THE FLAVOR
If you prefer the salty to the sweet, the savory breakfast might be the way for you to go. There are several important pieces to a good savory breakfast, but the lynchpin is the egg. The egg is versatile, beautiful and delectable. The versatility of the egg can be a bit intimidating. They can be prepared in a large variety of styles. If you find yourself trembling at the prospect of deciding how to have your eggs cooked, please make use of my previous pamphlet entitled “So, You Think You’d Like to Order Eggs?” If you are a beginning breakfast eater, unversed in the art of the egg, I suggest having yours scrambled.

Now that you’ve got the major portion of your savory breakfast taken care of, you can decide on your side dishes. While the egg is the major player, the side dishes serve to support the egg, and propel it to greatness. Traditional side dishes include breakfast meat, bread, potatoes and sometimes warm cereal. Breakfast meats traditionally include bacon, sausage (links and patties) and ham. Bread choices traditionally include toast (wheat, white and rye), biscuits, and sometimes English muffins (not a sweet muffin). Potato dishes are things like hash browns (shredded potatoes) and pan fries (diced potatoes), both of which are pan fried in oil. Warm cereal is usually oatmeal (which can also be sweet), but in the south grits are a delicious tradition. Grits are a cereal made of corn, usually served with butter and salt or cheese.

TAKE IT EASY
These are not your only choices for breakfast, sweet or savory. There have been many great innovations in the breakfast arena in the recent past. The chicken fried steak and eggs breakfast, the steak and eggs breakfast, toaster pastries, pigs in a blanket and many other delicious options await the more experienced breakfast eater. Sometimes the sweet and the savory meld into one huge scrumptious breakfast feast. But, slow down, this is not for you. First, master the basics and then you’ll be able to move on.

PLEASE SEE A PROFESSIONAL
If you are still feeling overwhelmed, I suggest that you visit one of this country’s many great breakfast eating establishments. Some of my favorites are: IHOP, Cracker Barrel, and my absolute favorite is the Pancake House in Salida, CO. At these restaurants they will be able to steer you in the right direction and pick up where this pamphlet leaves off.

The most important thing to remember is that practice makes perfect. Start slow and stick with it. Before long you’ll be a breakfast eating machine.

Happy Eating!